Oppressive Emotions
What can I say, I don’t know if today is going to make any sense… but I’m going to try… Finding a whole bunch of my DJ tunes that I thought I’d lost forever has caused somewhat of a rift for me. Reminding me of a simpler, softer (I’d like to say innocent, but that would be lying) … more… natural time? I always look back on this period very fondly, but with being such a long time ago, I’ve exposed myself to the history of anxieties on my timeline, and whilst few have any power these days, an over active mind will still try to process these reflections, but if a reflection is on a memory or event that you don’t truly understand, it produces an unknown – something that remains as a sort of… unfinished business?
Therein lies a trigger of destructive madness, these memories taunt you into contemplation, and internal debate, a battle of wits… if you will, but within yourself? There is no immunity! Accepting that these things will occur, instead of flat dissociative ignorance (or bliss?) to remain guarded from the insensitive world where no one understands you. By accepting it will happen, you allow yourself to look at the emotional process as a puzzle and not as a forced event.
The more you contemplate the ‘puzzle’, the more you understand about what causes you to feel a certain way, plus… puzzles have a desirable finish point (an achievement?)… When you feel helpless, choice doesn’t SEEM to exist, thus feeling completely powerless, you naturally concede. My perception began to change, only after being 100% honest with myself, and challenging ‘myself’ to retake control of my ability to choose. It’s taken a while, a long while, but I wouldn’t be where I am now, writing this blog, receiving encouraging messages from the people who CHOOSE to read my ramblings, who, in reality for 100% real now, have changed my life. Every single person that, in a world of hate, greed and destruction have decided to share a minute or two with me, and my life. Each one of you plays a part in the new found strength I have to continue. Huge thanks to Ickle H for the quote (attached image) i woke up to this morning on WhatsApp. Nuff love, Smiffy