No where left to turn...

One of the small perks of my job at present, is looking after our Cambridge office as well as London. The office is fairly modest, 16 desks/equipment, a fantastic, friendly little bunch of people. The journey and scenery by train, is for the most part, very open and agricultural. I get a direct fast train to London Kings Cross, and I find my mind wandering as the concentrations of Life increase and decrease like a set of lungs filling and emptying.

A thought occurred (I know, SHOCK/HORROR right????) whilst watching the various denizens of the countryside pass me by, there is so much going on around us, on so many levels, it’s easy to lose yourself in the forceful nature of the world we live in.

From the frightened solace of a little corner of the mind, raised in arms, wielding the blade of depression and shield of anxiety, stands my adversary. The adversary, of course, being a silhouette or shadow of myself.

It’s not easy to sit in that corner, your escape guarded by a demon entity of yourself, and watch the world seemingly fall apart around you, your corner and your guard the only unchanged parts. How will you ever find the courage to stand tall, and confront this demon? I challenge every thought. Every whim. Every action. When you feel you have no control, it’s a sign that you aren’t coping, and when you aren’t coping, all rationality and confidence feels lost, absent by, what feels like, deliberate means? So… this is not a demon… no… not quite that spectacular or powerful… a saboteur? YES! Sabotage! That fits perfectly! So your adversary serves not to guard you from escaping your corner… but to sabotage you, so that you lose the will to leave. This adversary, is nothing but a shadow of your doubts, grief, sadness, and this shadow will lead you to despair. Despair, is a state of without hope, and without hope (it is a foundation for MANY positive emotions or states of mind – see “Courage” and “Faith and Courage” posts) it’s impossible to see beyond that shadow.

Now let me tell you, this shadow is only as cunning, deceitful, and entrapping as you allow it to be. As soon as you take a step forward, and advance with genuine determination that shadow will step back, it may be to and fro for a while, but eventually you WILL CONQUER and proceed.

As long as there’s light, you will always have a shadow, just remember – shadows are nothing but a darkness created by a light… I feel drawn to quote Newton’s Third Law here, I feel it is very applicable to emotions, and at times, has helped me translate and conquer my own:

“For every action, there is an equal opposite reaction” …

Just swap ‘Action’ and ‘Reaction’, with ‘Emotion’ … - Hmm? what do YOU think? (feel free to comment/discuss below :) )

I digress, as I was saying, Imagine the aforementioned light to be yourself, deep inside, a small flame… Nurture that flame, it will grow, and you with it. Harness the fire within yourself, and no matter how many times that shadow returns – it will never defeat you, unless you ALLOW it. It is, after all, just you.

Hope the train babble makes sense, battery on the laptop running out and no power terminal, so - until later, Bummers - hopefully the image reference will make sense, although i think a level of geek required... That said, can any of you name the film the above game features in?

Smiffy x