Grudge Match: You & Anger Vs The World.

So today, I want to talk about anger as some of its associated, broader scale, emotional impact.

During those hyper sensitive times, it’s very easy to be afflicted, by just about anyone or situation. I’ve had days when a complete stranger has caused an invocation of great anger, the impact of which, somewhat of a spectacle….

Here’s why:

Scenario: You’ve had a long, high pressure day at work (I hear some of you say, “but Smiffy! That’s EVERYDAY!” and a fairly short while ago, I would have agreed.) You’re leaving late, the trains are ‘up the spout’ and you’ve hit 3 or 4 walls the lack sleep achieved the night before brings. Some mindless blight almost trips you up with their wheelie suitcase, although it’s not really a suitcase, it’s more of a – by today’s standards – medium sized handbag and then SAYS NOTHING! It’s like a kettle boiling, starts at the very bottom, with your feet, slowly (on in others cases full-on INSTA-BOIL) either way, the sensation is a form of rush, and that rush, is focussed on one area – your ‘adversary’ Let’s assess at this point: You are tired, feeling low, stressed (which is compounded by the fact that you are tired – as are most things) and with these elements present, you are also no doubt lost in a riddle of tunnelling negative thought, with the all-shining beacon of respite is near, as you are on your way home. Said person has come between you, and the only beacon of light the day still holds.

I don’t know about you, but that naturally makes them a problem, or, for the purposes of this post, a ‘threat’ - and when we are threatened, we are drawn to one of two actions: Fight… Or flight! (Still with me?) So – with anger focussing all your attention on the ‘threat’ you will, naturally, make a judgement and subsequently a choice. Fight… or Flight…

Now anger is like an infection, and an empowering one at that. Should your judgement fall into the “fight” category, you’ve hit the next phase (all happening in seconds) so now; this person becomes a target for action. The “fight or flight” is a primal survival instinct, once invoked it carries its own momentum, often very difficult to diffuse, parts of your brain become silenced or temporarily subdued, commonly resulting in an aggressive reaction.

I will give you the two, most common possible outcomes that I am familiar with. #1 FEEL THE FURY!!!! – That is it! Your resolve breaks and you succumb to let anger and your fight instinct envelope you. As the hand-case-bag-on-wheels comes across, over your nicely polished expensive shoes, leaving a mark, and the person seemingly oblivious to the utterly contemptable infraction, you boot the HCB-on-wheels… So now, exactly the same process happens in your adversary, if their judgement falls on fight too – we now, most likely, have a skirmish.

A rage fuelled exchange ensues, manifesting verbally, or physically, or both as a primal exchange of raw emotion.

#2 DEEP BREATH IN THROUGH THE NOSE, OUT THROUGH THE MOUTH. – I now, often close my eyes as I do so, to remove any visual focus. 100% back to basics. When I recognised, my anger was waaaay out of sync with the rest of me, I started to investigate why, in the hope of somehow correcting it. To start, I would often challenge the person for an apology, while trying to remain calm (not gonna lie, failed at that for a fair while) but as I learned to employ the rational part of my brain BEFORE it reached the primal stage (and remember, we are still talking seconds here) the more I started to learn about my own anger, where it was coming from, and why...

Not only that, I started to understand more about Anger in general. It is one of the most volatile infections the human race has seen. Let’s say outcome #1 has come to fruition and the exchange over, both parted ways… Are you still angry? Of course you are! You will run the scenario through your head countless times – each of which allows the anger to seethe and bubble inside – retaining power… Now – in THIS STATE, you are far more susceptible to a repeat, anger is transferable with very little effort, and can tree off at an alarming rate. What I mean by this is, the outcome has produced two angry people in fight mode – on their way again, in a more susceptible state to negative influences. So these 2 angry people chain off to quickly become 4, then 8, and so on…

If you can consider the greater impact, before you ‘lose it’ it’s very easy to just walk away from a situation, and take a huge chunk of pride, with you. You have had the strength of mind, to overcome a primal urge (fully commendable) but in doing so, you can take a victory from the fact that you haven’t compounded your ‘adversary’s’ day with irrational outburst, and subsequently impacted a bunch of other peoples days negatively. I’m not gonna lie, when you can attain that, its liberating and somewhat comforting, not to mention a massive victory to end a crappy day with??

Originally wanted to write about grudges as the focus, but this is what happens at Smiffy Bummer Camp! - Never know what’s gonna happen when I start typing :)

A sequel to follow then, as I’ve rambled on for almost 2 pages now. Until then, bummers!

Smiffy x

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